Happy Friday to all!!!

I almost cried at school again today. At least this time, they weren't tears of frustration...

I was sitting in a review meeting for one of my special ed kids. Unfortunately, Gerald is one of the students that failed this 6 weeks for not turning in the big semester project; he gets distracted easily, but he's a good kid overall. Unfortunately, I haven't seen a smile from Gerald in a while, and today was no different.

His mother had been telling me about how Gerald wants to be taken out of the SpEd program because he felt embarrassed for always being pulled out of class, whether it was for special testing or a review meeting.

Gerald finally comes in with his usual pensive seriousness and sits down. As usual, the team goes over his grades. Ms. C points out how he scored in the 70s for most of his semester exams, which is comparable to his peers. Most of his grades are fine, except for a 55 he got in science for the 2nd six week term.

"I know, I got off track," he explains. "I was easily influenced by my friends - you know, I just want to be cool and all that with my friends - and I wasn't really doing stuff, and then I saw that 50 - I haven't gotten a 50 since, like, middle school, so I decided I need be serious, that this is high school, so I started being serious, and I realized I needed to bring it up."

Attaboy.

Then the case manager proceeds to tell his mother that Gerald is only at a 6th grade reading level and writing at a 3rd grade level when tested one year ago. His mom looks worried. I decide to pipe up.

"Um, if I may put my two cents in, I just want to point out that a lot of students that are not in the SpEd program are actually at a similar level or even lower."

His mom looks slightly comforted. "I know, I always tell him he can do anything he can put his mind to."

"What do you think, Gerald?" the case manager prompts gently.

Gerald looks down at the ground. Finally he responds, "Now I know that. It's 'cause I was real down before. When I was living with my dad, I would review vocabulary with my stepbrothers, and when I wouldn't know the words, he would be all like, 'You're so stupid, you're older, you should know those words-'"

"Your brother would say that?"

"No, my dad. Like, 'You're always gonna be dumb.' And I would, like, get real down, and go into the bathroom and cry."

At that point, I was about to cry myself.

Gerald continued, "But then I started learning, you know, like my coaches said in football, you always gotta get better, that you're not gonna just stay at the same place - if you practice, you get better, and I'm starting to believe that a lot more now."

I am always amazed at these kids, and what they're actually thinking and where they're coming from. Even though they might act like complete idiots in class, they know better. Even though teaching is tiring, even though they often make me want to pull my hair out, it's babies like Gerald that keep me going.

In other news, it's Friday!! Have an enjoyable weekend!!

Debating

What I found on my board after school

Today, my fourth period class handled a debate surprisingly well. Even though it got off to a rocky start, Ms. K, a teacher they’ve just hired for the new ESL class (woohoo! It’s about time!), came in to help me out (since the ESL class hasn’t actually started yet, which worries me…). It was funny because my fourth period is usually the really chatty one – I have the most Hispanic kids in that class, and they like to TALK. And fight. So as I was moderating the discussion over whether or not Roosevelt should keep block scheduling, they were talking (as usual). Then Ms. K starts on this whole spiel about respect, and respecting teachers and peers, and how Ms. Chen is much too nice and they’re lucky I’m so patient. Rene (who is talking), joins in and agrees, stating that I’m his favorite teacher.

Miss K: Well then you should show her that by being quiet-
Rene: I was gonna bring Ms. Chen an apple, but I ate it for lunch!

Rene, who is an extremely smart kid, constantly cracks me up, and I often find myself having to bite my lip to prevent myself from bursting out with laughter at what he says. For example, he always likes to point out how he’s a “bad kid” and he likes to make his friends do bad things and get in trouble. And how he’s from the streets. And how he’s really gangsta. Sometimes I wish I could record some of the things he says.

Me: Rene, you need to elaborate on this part.
Rene: Miss, could you elaborate on what you mean by elaborate?

Me: Rene, you should take away this “kind of.” It makes your paper less strong.
Rene gives me a confused/blank look.
Me: Like, if I said, “Rene is ‘kind of’ a good student,” that’s not as convincing as if I said “Rene is a good student.”
Rene: (with a big grin) Awwww, yeahhhh, Miss, Imma gonna take that out!

And there are other times where words just go beyond me. He is so blatantly honest, whether he isn’t listening or he feels like “being bad.” I love it, even though he drives me crazy sometimes.

But I digress. (For shame…I wouldn’t score highly on the Focus/Coherence strand for the TAKs test.)

So the debate about block scheduling served as a well-needed reminder of why I’m here suffering (at times) the way I am. They brought up points like how kids get bored in an hour and 30 minutes, and teachers don’t fill up the time properly and teach (I was an exception, they said!). They said even though block scheduling should theoretically give you more time to learn things better, a lot of their teachers would just move in and give more and more bookwork, and when asked to explain they would tell the kids to come to tutoring. But get this – they wouldn’t be there for tutoring, and as one kid said, “You see them running off to eat! I seen ‘em!”

Then the kids started bringing up things like uniforms and having more after school activities. Since they were so into it, instead of completely telling them they got off topic, I took it as one of those “teachable moments” and had them write a persuasive essay of their choice about what they would change about Roosevelt.

It’s sad to see how disheartened a lot of them are. These kids are more than aware of Roosevelt’s substandard quality and a lot of them had really excellent ideas for change. All I can say is when I submit these essays to the administration, they better be read, and not just end up as another lost pile of papers, as is much too often the case.

A little positivity, for a change

Last night, I had dinner with a few TFA teachers and a couple accountants from PWC (where my friend’s wife works). The four teachers were sharing our crazy stories, and then one of the accountants asked us if there are any good parts to teaching.

That got the four of us thinking, and realizing that for every negative story that we tell (or at least for every 5 negative stories), there’s also a good story that goes untold. It’s so easy to forget little victories, like Frank actually responding to me instead of giving me a blank look, when kids are practically humping each other in class, walking out, and refusing point-blank to go down to the office.

So today I want to share a positive story. George was one of those kids that started out the year not doing ANY work. He’d either copy, or be lazy and just put his head down. He even tried to slip out of class a couple of times. He wasn’t disrespectful – he liked me, he just didn’t like or care for school.

Then (of course), he started failing. Then one day his great grandmother (side note: she was only about 65 years old…yeah, do the math, just like I did) came in for a school conference, where she told us about how George really wanted to get into a military school because he thinks it won’t be like regular school, but he won’t be able to get in if he doesn’t pass at Roosevelt. She explains that she’s raised him since he was young, and he gets everything he wants at his aunt’s house – his own computer, his own room, etc…but she has essentially given up on the boy’s lack of motivation.

Then, George starts to change. For our assessment before winter break, he was really really trying. I mean, annotating that text like nobody’s business, eliminating answers, really thinking through. He even stayed a few minutes into lunch to finish up.

And he turned in his memoir project! Before giving it to me, he stuck a post-it note on it telling me it was private and he didn’t want anyone else to read it.

While it wasn’t a perfect composition and was laden with conventional errors, the content was good. And I definitely learned a lot about George, and how he wonders why his mother doesn’t want him…

This semester, George is definitely putting in a more effort. He still acts like a rascal sometimes, but at least he does his work. So while it was heart-crushing to see the look of disappointment on his face when I told him he was not yet at 80% mastery, at least now I know he wants it.

These are the things that the numbers don’t show. So while teachers (and TFA) may judge our effectiveness with our test scores, our numbers, the numbers don’t show the whole story. I think it’s very easy for teachers to get bogged down with the data and teaching to the test, and I think that’s why the job is so frustrating for me sometimes. I feel like I care less than I should about the TAKs, that I’m not invested in the big goal. Which, to be honest, I’m not – I’m invested in kids like George, where I can hopefully change their attitude, or at least shift their path a little.

March 3, they will take their TAKs. I think I will be just as happy as my kids when that’s over.

Discovering Dallas, Part I

In TFA, they talk about this thing called PPA: Personal and Professional Alignment. I’ve decided that in order to maximize my effectiveness at work, I need to maintain a healthy personal life.

At lunch this weekend, a fellow TFA friend and I realize that our yearnings for our respective hometowns possibly stems from our current dislike of Dallas. We’ve lived here for about half a year, and yet we have not seen too much of the city. To delineate between TFA Dallas and regular Dallas, we’re going to explore Dallas some more in an effort to make our personal lives a little happier and have something to look forward to other than hours of lesson planning on the weekend.

After this lunchtime discussion, we feel extremely full and realize that our morning workout is completely shot from overeating (even though the Japanese place we ate at was only mediocre – when does that stop me from eating?). It’s my friend’s New Year’s resolution to lose weight, so we decide to walk it off.

It’s a gorgeous day outside. The sun is out for the first time in what feels like weeks, and we choose to check one thing off of our “To Do in Dallas” list: Katy Trail.

We circle around Uptown, searching for the entrance to the trail, and end up in Highland Park, ogling the mansions. (Side note: I want to live in a castle in Highland Park.)

Finally we circle back around and find a park. We explore the park and eventually find the trail. Unfortunately, I was not wearing proper shoes, and end up getting an enormous water blister on my heel, which burst. Not fun.

When I return home, I’m crippled, yet happier than I’ve been in a long time. Sunshine really does make one happier.

We return on Monday (yay for Martin Luther King, Jr.!), decked out with proper footwear, and make the 7 mile walk.

(I not FOB!)

At the beginning of the trail.

Victory! 3.5 miles there and back!

Result? Ms. Chen feels slightly healthier, and is ready to conquer Dallas and semester 2. Bring it on!

Memoir projects

The memoir projects continued to trickle in throughout the day. How many students turned it in on time (and complete) on Friday? Three. Three out of 150.

J. dropped by during the first class of the day to turn in his poster. It was on a beat-up piece of blue posterboard.

“Here you go Ms. Chen. Uh, by the way, ignore the back. I didn’t have no posterboard, so I had to use one that was on the door. Ignore what it says.”

The quality of the projects were varied. There were beautifully done posters and scrapbooks:

And then there were these:

(Yes, that is someone's completed project)

I think the one thing that I love about teaching English is that I have a lot of opportunities to discover things about my students. Although I got a headache reading about all my girls' true loves and heartbreak and how their boyfriends turned out to be players, I also read about their dreams and aspirations, the loss of many a family member, and reasons for acting the way they do.

Dallas Lesson

It takes 10 minutes longer to dress when it is below freezing outside.


Bundled up and ready for the 19 degree weather! Now if only the heat in my classroom would be fixed...

Oh, baby

I found today that two of my babies just had a baby of their own...

And let me tell you, T. wrote his story about the birth with a LOT of detail.

How does one deal with a situation like this? I want to be a supportive teacher, and build that relationship, but I also don't want to come off as congratulatory...to me, two 15-year-olds having a baby is not something to celebrate. Thoughts?

Happy 2010

Was I ready to end my two weeks of rest and relaxation in lovely California?
No.
Was I ready to come back to school and face those monsters that terrorized, tortured, and tested me (when it should have been the other way around) before winter break?
Absolutely not.
Was I dreading Monday?
Yes, pretty much.

So how bad was it?

It was ok. Not that good, but not bad.

After a surprisingly refreshing day of professional development (shocking), I was motivated once more to go in with that positive mindset, to get rid of the negativity that I had unwittingly absorbed from my coworkers, and close that achievement gap!

Then I have girls like A, T, and L in my 5th period that just make me want to rip my hair out. First day back, and it's attitude, off the charts. The other kids are getting tired of it, and two of my boys (who came back with what seems to be a new found desire to do well) could not hide their expressions of disdain for the girls' immature behavior.

However, I must say that the two weeks away seems to have been, for the most part, beneficial for both me AND the kids (most of them). So far, 2010 seems to have kicked off for me with a focus on that relationship building.

Before winter break, I think I was so caught up with the planning, the management, the disruptive and disrespectful behavior that I forgot how important it is to build the positive, rather than just focusing on eliminating the negative.

So it's all about conversations and getting to know my kids even better. I found out quite a few things like: which boys are the players; that it gets -20 degrees in Mexico; only girls wear snow boots...